As I am writing this piece, firework can be heard around the neighborhood. My TV is too busy bringing to the world the countdown in New York Time Square - a busy street at the last day of every year. I spent the last few hours competing with Wii characters - I wish were real so I could kick their butts. But I feel its time to say my final words for 2013. Its been a tough year but I can't go back and change a darn thing. Life goes and my problems will certainly carry forward to 2014 beginning tomorrow. For now, however, I'm going to shelve all these issues for a better time next year. And I want to take this moment to blog about a few regrets I have, a huge miss, and a 'win' for me as the year closes up.
My biggest regret this year is the fact that I didn't finish my studies. I completed all my computer classes, leaving me with a couple of electives, a required Math and a English class before graduation. This Spring and Summer came and left; a total waste. I feel like time is leaving me quicker than I thought. I feel like that too every time I see more grey hairs hover over my forehead and sideburns. I often take solace on the fact that grey is a sure sign of "brilliance" and the older you get the smarter you become. But there's another reality which seems to neutralize that inner escape, which is - grey is the first sign of one's mortal state and degrading of one's personal confidence. Its a reality I can't escape in real life. So it is natural to feel down when something you wanted done left undone.
Now, for the biggest 'miss' - not going home. Going home has been on my mind for a while. My last trip home was in 2009 and next month will be the forth year. It is the forth year I celebrated without my mom and family. There are many factors contributing to my inability to travel but I would rather keep them to myself. Since I missed Spring and Summer, and also unable to travel, I feel 2013 failed me miserably. But often time feelings may not represent reality as we shall see soon.
On the positive side, the biggest "win" for me is being able to see my children in this past year doing things I never imagined possible. My daughter is in grade one, and after all the worries I had seeing her struggled through preschool and Kindergarten, she surprised me this year. She now knows how to read, write, and count numbers; she imagines stories and writes them on papers to show me which warms my heart even in this cold Winter. Watching her improving her artistic skills and school works gives me hope that the toughest days are really behind her. At the closing of this year, she received her award for good grades, making me proud as a father, and someone that sacrificed everything to make sure she gets to class and back safely. It makes all my worries about my own studies a minor scratch.
Another 'win' for me is seeing my own son growing and improving. He amazes me everyday. To hear him say to me 'I love you dad' and holds my hand when we enter the mall as if his life's safety depends on my arm, makes me happy! We all look to our fathers for security and to see him looking up to me everyday makes me a happy man. Sometimes when he freaks and run into my open arms, I tell him hey everything is okay! In his eyes, he believes it. That's a feeling you won't erase.
As the year 2013 comes to a close in 10 minutes, I like to also thank my wife for being there for me through my own trials. Life is not always a smooth walk. Its tough but she had been there for me through out this year. Life would be simply meaningless without her.
To my friends all over the world, enjoy every moment of your life for tomorrow we don't know where life will take us, or how it will end.
Goodbye 2013. 2014, I have an apology to tell you. I'd been through so many trouble this year and as I am about to live with you for 12 months, I want you to know that I am bringing with me a load of unresolved problems and unsolved issues. I promise I will deal with them as I live in your house for the next 365 days. I hope you accept my apology.
To God be the Glory!
From a happy man!
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